Warning, this is whiny
But I figure hardly anyone reads this one anyway...
I feel unsteady. I've given my trust to someone - someone that I felt a real connection with and believe he's quite special. I don't feel it's been returned. He says good things but I know too well that actions are what are the REAL indicator of what a person is about. And the actions are a little lacking.
I've been chatting with people on the internet for 10-odd years. It's really easy for a bad-apple to spoil things. For example:
Can't call in the evenings because they're busy or working -- or -- Can't get together in person very often because of scheduling
That's a pretty good sign they're married or already involved with someone.
Now, it could be that he really is busy. Or it could be that he's busy yet he makes time for the people he really wishes to see, and I'm simply not one of them. And that's the bit that hurts the most. Because I really really wanted to be special to him.
I'm trying to be patient and trusting, but I've been burned so deeply before that it's hard without some encouragement from him.
I gave up waiting by the phone yesterday (he was going to call if he got a break) and went to the movies. I enjoyed the film but would have given anything for him to be in the empty seat next to me.
I hate feeling this weak.
My birthday is in 2 weeks. F*ck.
I feel unsteady. I've given my trust to someone - someone that I felt a real connection with and believe he's quite special. I don't feel it's been returned. He says good things but I know too well that actions are what are the REAL indicator of what a person is about. And the actions are a little lacking.
I've been chatting with people on the internet for 10-odd years. It's really easy for a bad-apple to spoil things. For example:
Can't call in the evenings because they're busy or working -- or -- Can't get together in person very often because of scheduling
That's a pretty good sign they're married or already involved with someone.
Now, it could be that he really is busy. Or it could be that he's busy yet he makes time for the people he really wishes to see, and I'm simply not one of them. And that's the bit that hurts the most. Because I really really wanted to be special to him.
I'm trying to be patient and trusting, but I've been burned so deeply before that it's hard without some encouragement from him.
I gave up waiting by the phone yesterday (he was going to call if he got a break) and went to the movies. I enjoyed the film but would have given anything for him to be in the empty seat next to me.
I hate feeling this weak.
My birthday is in 2 weeks. F*ck.
posted by AlmstHvn at 9:39 AM
2 Comments:
Awwww...., that sounds very un-fun. I hope it works out. Just make some space to protect yourself in case he turns out to be a big loser.
Thanks, chicky! I think it will - I'm in a funk, and dammit don't they all know how fabulous I am?! (giggle)
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